it's not that i'm not being grateful for the person i am, it's just that being yourself is somehow tiring and depressing (in certain situations). believe it or not, we are always wearing mask in front of others. maybe not all, but i am. i only realized it after i learned a little bit about personality plus (ref: littauer), informally.
i am a melancholic + phlegmatic person, and for years i am being myself that it bothers some people around me, almost all the times. being a close friend to two sanguines for 4 years (alhamdulillah...still and until now), i've learned a lot from them. i now realized that i always wear the sanguine mask in public! it is not hypocrite for me, it is just you try to please people around you, to make sure that they are comfortable and happy having you around, insyAllah. even Prophet Muhammad (peace and mercy be upon him) has always being so kind and understanding, pleasing everyone around him although he is in sadness or in hurt, masyaAllah!
but sometimes, when u badly need yourself to be just you, it seems like a sin, just to do that. why? because they are some who do not recognize your personality, do not understand it or do not want to even know about it. being a melancholic and introvert also, i always want to have a private space and time for myself, but with the hectic schedule, it seems impossible to have that. result? fatigue me. phew, that doesn't sound nice, but surely, that's how i can describe myself now. maybe for other persons, especially cholerics, the workloads and jobs stacked in my trays are just like 'kacang', but for melancholic like me, all i need is ample time and space to reschedule myself, have some rest, and resume working. pity my students, i could not give them the best that they deserve. be patient darlings, teacher will come back. ajaa!! hahaha
no rambling, just hoping that there are more people outside who wish to learn and understand others's personality, so that some people can do things that they need to do badly without feeling guilty. wishing that some people will understand how others feel, and not blaming them for their feeling and actions. i is true that personality could not be blamed, but we can adjust and manage it, so that it can benefit us, not leading us to destruction, insyaAllah.
p/s: sorry for the grammar mistakes, and also the lengthy, confusing phrases. sorry for any mistakenly-used term or words, i'm not that good in English.
