Domino effect

Domino effect: Solat & 'ibadah ---> Hidup berlandas syari'at ---> Menutup aurat ---> Ikhtilat terjaga. What can we conclude from here? 

Jika solat dan 'ibadah terjaga; solat tak celum celam, tak tinggal yang wajib (solat lima waktu, puasa di bulan Ramadhan,zakat), Quran dibaca at least semuka sehari, insyAllah hidup akan berlandas syari'at Allah. Hidup yang tenang dan gembira dengan mengikuti segala aturan Allah, undang-undang Allah. Mengikut segala perintah dan meninggalkan laranganNya. Kalau hidup tak seperti ini, mungkin solat dan 'ibadah kena disemak semula. Kena dikukuh dan dijiwai.

Bila dah ikut aturan Allah dalam hidup, automatik akan tutup aurat kan? Kalau kat sekolah belajar tutup aurat wajib, kenapa balik sekolah terus buka tudung? Terus sarung seluar pendek, baju T adik yang nampak pusat awak tu? Panas eh? Yelah...Malaysia is a hot country kan...

Kalaulah, kalau aurat terjaga, insyAllah ikhtilat kita antara lelaki dan perempuan bukan mahram (yang boleh berkahwin) akan terjaga dan dibatasi. Bila kita tutup aurat elok-elok, nak lepak-lepak, nak tepuk tampar, nak duduk rapat-rapat dengan kawan lain jantina, dengan si dia yang tersayang mesti segan kan? malu? Bila kita pakai tudung besar, labuh sikit, takkan kita nak keluar dengan si dia berdua-duaan kan? Takkan nak berjalan sebelah menyebelah macam suami isteri kan? Takkan nak duduk dekat-dekat dalam tren kan? Imej Muslimah kena jaga dik. Imej kita depan Dia pun kena jaga. Jangan katalah mak ayah bagi izin, alasan tu boleh direfute. Jangan katalah tak buat apa-apa, takkan duk bisu, sorang ke utara, sorang ke selatan kan?Memang nafsu tu sentiasa ada, nak bersembang, nak bergurau, nak share cerita, nak jumpa...tapi.....kita tanya balik pada diri kita. Perlu ke? Perlu ke semua ni? Sudah halalkah dia bagi kita? Apa kata Dia?

Saya bukanlah baik sangat. Saya bukanlah contoh untuk siapa-siapa. Saya bukanlah nak mengajar anda. Saya bukanlah nak mengkondem anda. Saya cuma nak kongsi teguran ni, yang saya rasa sangat baik, yang sangat menyentuh. Janganlah kata kena batang hidung anda, batang hidung saya pun kena jugak. Yang baik kita jadikan tauladan, tak salah kan, nak ubah diri jadi lebih baik?

Perceived Authoritarian Parenting Style and Fornication amongst Malay adolescent: How do they relate?

This is a paper written as a partial fulfillment to the requirement of  Contemporary Religious Moral Issues subject. Any citation is allowed as long as it does not breach the rules and ethics, and please do not plagiarise. 

Introduction

In Malaysia, medical history of most Malaysian family has listed diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart disease as the most common diseases that attack Malaysian society. Be it man or woman, at least one of the family members has either one of this diseases. As these three diseases are called the “three siblings”, there is another chained diseases; not in Malaysian medical field, but in Malaysian society. The chained diseases are fornication, teenage pregnancy, abortion and baby dumping. No statistics can reliably prove the answer for the question of “What is the number of abortion cases in Malaysia?” or “Who contributed to the large number of baby dumping?” as only few cases can be traced down and a few more have been reported to the authority. Some said that the mass amount of foreign workers in Malaysia might have also contributed to the frequent cases of abortion and baby dumping, but we cannot take these as our escape from looking into our own society, our own family.

            Nowadays, rehabilitation centre and welfare home for socially ill young people and abandoned children are like mushrooms sprouting after a rainy day. Their numbers are increasing day by day, reflecting the increase in the quantity of ‘patients’ they need to handle. Regrettably, most of the residents here are Malays. Malay girls and young women has filled the registry in most rehabilitation centre and welfare home; indicating the rise of involvement of Malay teenagers and young people in social illness.

            Since fornication is the one thing which will lead to the teenage pregnancy, abortion and baby dumping, this moral illness should be cured in the first place so that the others will follow. As society starts with family, and family is built with parents and children, to associate this moral illness with the role of family is acceptable. Parents are the nearest person to the children, their parenting style may have shaped the children the way they are now, therefore, the parenting style’s influence on the involvement of adolescent in fornication can be questioned. 

Lexical Approach: The Definition

Parenting Style

Parenting style is the parent’s attitudes towards the child that are communicated to the child, and that style then create an emotional climate in which parent’s behaviors are expressed.(Jaffe, 1997) There are four parenting styles that have been widely accepted; authoritarian, authoritative, permissive-indulgent and neglectful. These four famous parenting styles have been distinguished by Diana Baumrind; as she first found the three styles and the fourth one has been extended by Maccoby and Martin(1983). One of the items in Baumrind’s Model of Parenting Styles is authoritarian parenting; which will be discussed in this paper.

            Authoritarian parenting, in which the word ‘authoritarian’ was derived from the word ‘authority’, reflects that the parents have control and power over the rights of the child, and they as parents have also the right to decide on behalf of the child. Baumrind’s study (1967) on 100 families has given some insight on the characteristics and effects of parenting style on child.

            According to Baumrind (1971, 1991, as cited in Nevid, 2009), authoritarian parenting style is an adult-centered style of parenting. This is due to the methods and approaches used by the parents towards the child conveyed that parents expect the child to obey all the rules and regulations imposed without considering the child’s emotional and psychological being. Authoritarian parents limit the child’s freedom by rigidly enforced rules and regulation. Unluckily for the child, those rules are not clearly explained to them as most parents have the mentality of forcing the child to obey without questioning; “Do it as I said is so, and because I said so.” If the rules and regulations are not being followed by the child, then punishment will entail.

            Parents with authoritarian parenting style are also showing low level of warmth and positive involvement towards the child to be compared to authoritative and permissive parents. These parents equate discipline, punishment and control as the way to express their love and concern towards the child. They are not responsive to the child’s desires, opinions, and demands. Child’s emotions are not being emphasized and concerned by the parents as they are more concerned in upbringing the child as a good child; the one who is well-behaved, and attain high achievements in life.

            Authoritarian parenting style has also being referred as military parenting style. Its rigid, controlled way of treating child may affect the child’s psychological and cognitive development in certain ways. Child with authoritarian parents may be a good, well-behaved student in school as the child has been taught and educated to obey to laws, but this good behavior may not be due to the child’s own manner but due to the child’s fear of being punished. By this situation, the child is actually learned to do good to be accepted. The child tends to have the mind-set that he will be accepted in the group or society if he shows good behavior, and follow the laws, not because of he himself. It may lead to low self-esteem as the child will not be 100% confident of his own self.  

            As authoritarian parents neglect the vital role of emotion in educating child, their child grows up being moody, unhappy, easily annoyed and being vulnerable to stress. The child learn to not express emotions especially love, and to suppress anger and dissatisfaction. Slowly, the child will became a reserved person; not knowing how to show affection and tend to keep all the emotions to oneself.

            Child with authoritarian parenting may also develop the tendency of being indecisive. As they have been controlled by parents in rights and decision-making, the child may not know how to decide for himself, and have a passive attitude to life and his role in it.

Parenting: An Islamic Perspective

"No child is born but upon Fitrah (nature). It is his parents who make him a Jew or a Christian or a Polytheist." A hadeeth by Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), narrated by Imam Muslim shows that Islam put a very great responsibility on parents’ shoulders to colour the child’s life and to educate them, to guide them to build a good life.

            In the Qur’ān, stated in surah Luqmān: "O my son! Establish worship, enjoin kindness, and forbid iniquity: and bear with patient constancy whatever betide you. Lo! That is an affair of great resolution. And turn not your cheek in scorn toward folk, nor walk in insolence through the earth; for Allah loved not each braggart boaster. Be modest in your bearing and subdue your voice. Lo! The harshest of all voices is the voice of the ass.” These verses reflect the concern of a father towards his child’s well-being; not only concerning the life in this temporary world, but also in the Hereafter. Parents are responsible to advise the child; on what is wrong and what is right, to monitor, to control and to discipline the child.

            In an athar of Umar bin al-Khaţţab (ra) he said: "Play with your children until the age of seven, educate them for another seven, and befriend them for another seven.” This statement has given a very good insight on parenting style proposed by Islam. As for young adolescent, Saidina Umar put the emphasis on educating them; to teach them to differentiate between good and bad, to clarify on them regarding responsibility, to train them to follow Allah’s command and to avoid from doing His prohibition. As the children developed into late adolescent, parents are encouraged to befriend with them. Parents are encouraged to listen to the children’s problems and questions, to communicate with them more often as friends, to treat them with trust, respect and love, and to be a good model for them.

            Islam has given guidance on how parenthood is all about. To be a parent is not as easy as feeding and providing all the child’s need, but it go beyond as far as to  ensure that the child will grow up as a good man, a good child, a good friend, a good spouse, a good parent, and the most important is being a good servant of Allah.

Fornication

Fornication is voluntary sexual intercourse outside marriage between two persons of the opposite sex, where either one is or both are unmarried. Fornication is a moral illness; as to refer it in Malaysian context, especially among the Malay society.

            As Malay society in Malaysia is Muslims, fornication is prohibited and whosoever doing it will be punished by the religion, law and also society. Unwanted pregnancy and baby dumping are two severe results of fornication. Regardless of races, increasing baby dumping cases nationwide is actually the alarm signaling that the widespread social illnesses such as fornication need to be cured and with any luck prevented from being a trend in Malaysian society.

Adolescent

Adolescent is a transitional period in human life span, ranging from the age of 12 to 18. It is a period linking childhood and adulthood, when male and female undergone rapid, significant physical and social changes.(Santrock, 2009) Puberty is the symbol of the beginning of adolescence.

            As a linkage between child and adult, adolescent carry unique yet individual characteristics, from thinking style to social identity. Have once being an asexual child, adolescence is the time of sexual exploration and experimentation, of sexual fantasies and realities for a person. Through this period, adolescent has started to experience sexual feeling, arousal and attraction to either different-sex or same-sex person. Not all adolescents experience these things in similar way. They differ in term of timing and level. Some have it early, some have it later. Some are strongly aroused but some are not.

            Every society shows some concern regarding adolescent sexuality. In some societies, males and females are separated and are not allowed to meet or even befriend. In other societies, early marriage is highly encouraged. As in Malaysia, Malay adolescents are prohibited to have premarital sex or sex before marriage. Sex is a taboo in Malay society, and it is an embarrassment and uncomfortable to have, and even talk about sex at adolescent’s age.  

Statistical Approach: Literature Review

Some literature reviews has been done in order to grasp the idea of this paper more accurately, and to understand its concept so that it will help in a more thorough discussion.

            As adolescence is a transitional period from childhood to adulthood, adolescent who is also a child of his parents, is responding to the way his parents nurture and educate him. Different way of parenting will lead to different effects in the child’s development. In a study by Fuligni and Eccles (1993) on relationship between perceived parent-child relationship and early adolescent’s orientation towards peers, they found out that children who perceived their parents as adopting authoritarian style such as establishing rules, punishing disobedience action and unresponsive to children’s question or problem, are more likely to turn to their friends for advice and sharing problems. Children who do not perceive the quality of mutual (less parental domination) relationship and decision making in their relationship with parents are more likely to be peer oriented as they feel that their opinions and preferences are more likely to be regarded as valid by their friends. As those children feel that friendship is the only relationship that afford opportunities for them to develop own ideas and preferences, they may be more willing to sacrifice the things they feel will threaten the friendship, such as parental rules and school achievement. 

            However, previous study has been slightly refuted by another study on patterns of competence and adjustment among adolescents from authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent, and neglectful families; in which the study showed that children who describe parents as authoritarian have shown reasonable achievement in school and are less likely than their peers to involve in deviant activities. However, they have problem managing self-reliance and own perception towards social and academic abilities. (Lamborn, Mounts, Steinberg & Dornbusch, 1991) This study has been supported with another study by Wolfradt, Hempel & Miles (2003) which result showed that perceived authoritarian parenting has been positively related to high level of depersonalization and anxiety among adolescent.

            Parenting style has also influenced adolescent’s involvement in social and moral illness. The relationship between parental control and substance use; which are tobacco, drugs and alcohol, among adolescent has been investigated in a research and it has been found that higher parental control is associated with lower substance use among girls, as they are more ‘family-oriented’ compared to ‘peer-oriented’ boys. (Choquet, Hassler, Morin, Falissard & Chau, 2007) This finding revealed difference of the impact of authoritarian parenting on boys and girls. Authoritarian parenting is seemed to be more effective upon girls in controlling them from involving in social and moral illness compared to boys.

            However, Dewar (2010) highlighted that though children with authoritarian parents are less likely to involve in troubles like drug and alcohol use, aggression and other deviant activities, this is based on self-report by the children themselves. He suggested that this group of children is actually reluctant to confess their wrongdoings to authority figures, and this can be linked to one item in authoritarian parenting, that is punishment. As researchers used other methods in assessing the children’s behaviour, they found out that authoritative caregiver-and not authoritarian- were the least likely to report externalizing behaviour problem in their children (Querido, Warner & Eyberg, 2002 as cited in Dewar, 2010) and compare with children from authoritative families, kids with authoritarian mothers become aggressive over time (Underwood, Beron & Rosen, 2009 as cited in Dewar, 2010).

            As the researcher is interested in finding the relationship between parenting style and fornication, some literature search on this topic has also been done. The Star (June 26, 2010) reported, in four early months of 2010, as many as 111 cases of teenage pregnancy has been reported to the Welfare Department. Malaysian government has even established a special school for pregnant adolescents in Melaka. Malaysian Insider (Feb 9, 2011) stated that 517 cases of baby dumping has been registered starting from 2005 until now. These cases is the signal for the alarming number of fornication and adultery cases, not to forget incest, in Malaysia, as those cases are hard to be told in numbers.

Discussion

Authoritarian Parenting in Malay Society

            Authoritarian parenting is a common parenting style in Malay society way back then, especially in rural areas, in which they hold to the saying ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’. In today’s society, this style is not practiced as much as in the old days. Most parents are adopting authoritative style of parenting in which, the children are treated and communicated in balance between law and love. But, there are parents who still punish their children when doing wrong, unresponsive to the children, forcing children to obey without having the right to question parents, and have high demands on children.

How adolescent accepts authoritarian parenting?

            As adolescent nowadays are exposed to the global atmosphere and advanced education system, they can and they want to think and decide for themselves on what is the best and suitable for them. Adolescent who are extroverts; with high desire for social contact and sensation-seeking activities will perceive authoritarian parenting as a cage that restricting them from exploring the outside world. Being home is like being in a military camp. Introvert adolescents and adolescents with open mind and deep thought concerning moral and social issues surrounding them, might accept authoritarian parenting as one of the way preventing them from involving themselves in problems, however, they might be as well see this style of parenting as rigid, cold and parent-centered.

How do these adolescents respond?

            Extrovert adolescents might respond negatively towards authoritarian parenting. They might rebel and show unexpected behaviour in response to the strict rules imposed by the parents. Though the actions of rebel are not shown in parent’s presence, they might express it when they are in school, or when they are among friends. As their desires are not fulfilled by parents, they might fulfill it outside home. They might involve in the activities that are restricted by parents whenever they got the chance to do it. Introvert adolescents, in other way round, might have anxiety and depression in response to the strict, cold parenting style as they are more likely to keep silent, not express feelings and not sociably active. They may also experience stress and low self-esteem due to the pressure by the parents.

Fornication and adolescent

            As adolescent is a period in which human being are starting to be sexually active, fornication is one of the problems adolescents might get involved in. In Malay Malaysian context, though fornication is forbidden, but numbers of adolescents are involving themselves in this moral illness. It cannot be shown in numbers, but the reality has proved it. Mass numbers [in Malay Malaysian context] of teenage pregnancy cases either reported or not, has turned up. News of illegal abortion and baby dumping scattered in the newspapers. Flipping through magazines, many girls are seeking advice for the problems of regretting after committing fornication and having unwanted pregnancy. These are the silent proves of the corruption that is happening in the Malay society in Malaysia.

Why do adolescents commit fornication?        

                      

            Among the reasons are unrestrained sexual desire, negative peer influence, negative media influence and curiosity in experimenting new thing. All these reasons can be interrelated. 

Befriend and mingled with peer who bring negative influence can distort adolescents from being in the straight track. The peers who bring negative influence may have been negatively affected by media, such as sexual scene in movies and dramas, pornography and also advertisements promoting sexual enhancement or sexual health products.  Both peers and media can elicit sexual desires and if not being handled wisely, will become unrestrained, hence encourage adolescents to experiment sexual intercourse.

Can authoritarian parenting be a factor?                   

                    

             As it was reported that children who perceived their parents as authoritarian are more likely to turn to friends for advice, sharing problems and expressing ideas, authoritarian parenting can lead adolescents to be influenced by negative friends, thus involved in fornication. Strict, punitive parenting may cause adolescents to rebel as they are restricted from doing things they desire, such as outing with friends; thus encouraged them to grab any chance or opportunities to satisfy themselves.

But adolescents with authoritarian parents are obedient and are less likely to involve in deviant activities. They will not involve in fornication.              

            Yes, they are obedient but these adolescents are also normal human being and, as adolescent, their desire to explore new things is really high. In addition, their sexual interest and arousal is also starting to develop during this time. Though they know that their parents have imposed strict rules and they will be punished if they disobey, the desire and influence by peers might dominate.  The negative influence from media such as pornography may also elicit the arousal to involve in fornication.

As they were said to be having low self reliance, anxiety and lack social abilities, it is slightly ridiculous to say that such kind of person is committing fornication.                         

                                         

             This went back to the issue of peers. Adolescents are in the stage of building self perception and finding own self identity, and coping with these kinds of things, for them, are much easier with friends beside them. Those with authoritarian parents, though said to have lack social abilities, but among friends they can be as normal as others. As friends are the persons who are perceived as appreciating them and showing love, trust and respect towards them, they might also involved in fornication due to peer pressure and the fear of rejection by friends.

Is there any other effect of authoritarian parenting which can be said to lead adolescents to fornication?                              

            Authoritarian parents who strictly restrict their children, especially adolescent, from watching entertainment programs in media including films and dramas (as they said that those programs are not good for viewing) are actually eliciting the adolescent’s urgency to find out more on their own; without parents’ knowledge.

from  "aku masih dara" film

 Adolescents should be given appropriate and knowledgeable exposure on things concerning sexuality as a preparation for them to enter the real world out there where black and white are not easily distinguished, and to prevent them from being the victim of moral illness such as fornication, just because of ignorance.

            With all the factors contributing to adolescent’s involvement in fornication, and authoritarian parenting as one of them, adolescents are not the only responsible one to be blame for this moral illness. Besides internal desire, the external factors have strong affect in stimulating adolescents’ response to their desire.

Can adolescents prevent themselves from this moral illness?

            Yes.

 How?

            Adolescents can be helped with the help from parents. Parents should not adopt strict, military parenting style. The best parenting style is the parenting style proposed by Islam which balances between love and law, education and enforcement. With instilled religious knowledge and values, adolescents who received trust, respect, love and warmth from parents are more likely to have self reliance and self esteem and are more likely to be able to protect themselves from wrongdoings.

Conclusion

Fornication is one of the severe moral illnesses today, and regrettably Malay adolescents are also committing it. Though unrestrained sexual desire, negative peer influence, negative media influence and curiosity in experimenting new thing are the major factors contributing to the involvement of Malay adolescent in fornication, but authoritarian parenting is also contributing as it is the initiator of adolescents turning to negative friends and negative media. Therefore, parents should be educated on how parenting style can affect the children’s wellbeing and how they, as parents, are responsible of whom the children will be in future. Religion is another vital component in educating and parenting. Without proper knowledge on religious affairs, all the methods and practices are like radio without sound; useless as religion is the heart of our life. 

soal cinta lagi der???duhh

Kalau tengok sana sini situ sinun sekarang ni...


Ce tengok....

Ce tengok....


Haahhhhh.....penduduk-penduduk zaman sekarang ni....dalam hidup diorang (including me lah) mesti ada pengaruh ideologi Barat...jangan cakap diri suci la...kalau tak banyak pun pengaruh tu, sikit-sikit taik mata mesti ada jugak....................................


ideologi yang paling berjaya masuk dalam hidup masyarakat sekarang apa dia?


SECULARISM


diulangi...SECULARISM


ideologi yang mendokong idea pemisahan antara agama dan perkara-perkara duniawi, the separation between religion and worldly matters


dan daripada ideologi maha hebat ini, lahirlah anak-anaknya...antaranya


HEDONISM....


ideologi yang mengagungkan hiburan semata-mata, yang meletakkan kepuasan diri sendiri dan hawa nafsu melebihi segala-galanya sehingga mengenepikan agama...


SECULARISM juga mencetuskan LIBERALISM yang mengagungkan hak sama rata antara semua orang dan kebebasan individu dan yang paling parah, SECULAR HUMANISM yang meletakkan manusia sebagai pusat atau tumpuan alam..human as the centre of universe, in which human is the measure of everything


kenapa saya cakap ideologi-ideologi sesat barat ni dah masuk dalam masyarakat kita?


just tengok sekeliling, and anda akan tahu jawapannya...


SECULARISM...menular dalam bentuk pemisahan politik dan agama, pemisahan subjek agama dan subjek sekular atau natural and human science, reduction of masjid's purpose to only praying and conducting nikah, tidak berkumandangnya azan di stesen TV, orang yang memperjuangkan nilai-nilai agama dianggap jumud,syadid atau extremist, susahnya untuk dapat peluang sembahyang awal waktu pada masa bekerja terutama kalau kerja syift, larangan pakaian menutup aurat di sesetengah tempat kerja ataupun uniform yang disediakan amatlah tidak sesuai menutup aurat...


HEDONISM.....lambakan rancangan hiburan di TV, lambakan rancangan mempromosikan gaya hidup barat dan sex di TV, lambakan lagu-lagu melalaikan di TV dan radio dan internet, lambakan konsert artis-artis dibenarkan di negara ini, lambakan anugerah menghargai artis di negara ini (apa sumbangan diorang pada pembangunan intelek dan ahlaq masyarakat ye?), 

lambakan rancangan game show merapu meraban di TV, lambakan rancangan merapu mengata di radio dan TV, lambakan rancangan gosip kau-kata-aku-kata-kau di TV,    LAMBAKAN DRAMA MEMPROMOSIKAN CINTA, SEX DAN YANG SEWAKTU DENGANNYA di negara ini...








helloooooo....cik anakamal...pedehal buat besar-besar lak font tang situ?????siap warna lain lagi???????? and the pic????duhhh!!!


eh, eh, salah ke? i tell the truth what...T.H.E. T.R.U.T.H....


saya nak cakap soal cinta sekarang boleh? 


duhh, bosan la der asik pasal cinta, cinta,cinta.....muak aku dengar hari-hari.


alaa...dengar kejap je...jap je eh....


ye la, ye la, I'm all ear *ngan muka masam


okey, apa yang saya nak cakap ni adalah dari buah fikiran saya, pembacaan saya, pengetahuan saya, perasaan saya, pemerhatian saya, penaakulan saya, penilaian saya...awak berhak setuju atau tak, berhak amik tau or ignore....


ye la....cepat, cepat...


okey, first of all...definition...

Love = a strong feeling of deep affection for sb/sth, esp member of ur family or a friend. A strong feeling of affection for sb that u r sexually attracted to

Couple = two people who are seen together, esp if they are married or in a romantic or sexual r/ship

Date = a meeting that u have arranged with a bf or gf or with sb who might become a bf or gf. To have romantic r/ship with sb

Engagement = an agreement to marry sb; the period in which two people are engaged

Marriage = the legal r/ship between a husband and wife 


sorry eh awak, saya tak jumpa dewan bahasa, saya ada oxford je..huhu. tapi takpe, lebih kurang je maksud dia...kan?kan?


ape-ape je lah der...*malas nak layan, kepoh, huh!


dah kita tau definition dia, kita tengok pulak apa relation dia dengan islamic values and teachings. kenapa kita kene balik pada dua benda ni? sebab kita bukan sekular, kita Islam, kita Muslim, kita Mukmin yang percaya dan beriman dengan Tuhan kita, Allah.


love or cinta, Malay called, adalah naluri setiap makhluk yang Allah jadikan. perasaan yang suci yang Allah tiup dalam jiwa dan hati hamba-hambaNya. 


so, tak salah la bercinta?


tak, tak salah. cinta tak salah sebab dia fitrah, natural inclination and dia suci. yang salah orang yang bercinta.


what the...????? 


aaaa,aaaa,aaaaa......jangan cakap,jangan cakap, tak baik.... dengar lagi,  baru serang saya. salahnya orang bercinta sebab apa, sebab.....cara dia salah. method yang dia guna salah. niat tak menghalalkan cara. 


apa yang salahnya? bukan buat apa-apa pun, just makan, jalan-jalan, duhh..sengallah kau ni!


berdua-duaan kan? elok ke makan berdua-duaan? jalan berdua-duaan? 


Katakanlah kepada laki-laki yang beriman: Hendaklah mereka menahan pandangannya dan memelihara kemaluannya. (an- Nuur: 30)
Dan katakanlah kepada wanita yang beriman: Hendaklah mereka menahan pandangannya dan memelihara kemaluannya. (an- Nuur: 31)

Kalau dah makan berduaan, takkanlah tak pandang memandang, jeling-menjeling kot?


Dari Ibnu Abbas r.a. berkata: Saya mendengar Rasulullah SAW bersabda: Janganlah seorang lelaki berdua-duaan (khalwat) dengan wanita kecuali bersama mahramnya. (Hadis Riwayat Bukhari & Muslim) Dari Jabir bin Samurah berkata; Rasulullah SAW bersabda: Janganlah salah seorang dari kalian berdua-duan dengan seorang wanita, kerana syaitan akan menjadi ketiganya. (Hadis Riwayat Ahmad & Tirmidzi dengan sanad yang sahih)


Kalau dah berduaan, sah-sahlah takde orang ketiga kan?


Hai isteri-isteri Nabi, kamu sekalian tidaklah seperti wanita yang lain, jika kamu bertakwa. Maka janganlah kamu tunduk dalam berbicara (berkata-kata yang menggoda) sehingga berkeinginan orang yang ada penyakit di dalam hatinya tetapi ucapkanlah perkataan-perkataan yang baik. (al-Ahzaab: 32)


Takkanlah dengan si dia awak cakap kasar kot? takkan takde kata-kata manis kot? "rindulah kat awak", "saaaaaayang awak,mmuahh3" (terus senyum lebar ke telinga), "awak jangan nak mengade...saya cubit karang..", "awak ni comel lah" (terus hati kembang berbunga-bunga). Mustahillah..... alaaa..tak yah tipu..saya pun pernah bercinta gak, tau dah semua ni, tak yah auta la :p 



ok, katakanlah saya bawak kawan saya teman saya dating? macam mana?


awak bawak kawan awak teman awak dating? nanti masa dating awak mesti tinggalkan kawan awak kat belakang, and jalan ngan si sia berduaan kan? kalau tak pun, kawan awak tinggalkan awak dengan si dia kat belakang, dia jalan depan. kan? kan? 

haa....itulah definition couple tadi. two people who are seen together. tak salah kalau benda yang awak buat betul-betul mustahak, untuk maslahah yang besar, tapi apa maslahah daripada couple or dating awak tu? apa benefitnya? untuk awak dan dia je kan? bukan untuk kawan awak kan? 
awak keluar dengan si dia sebab saja-saja kan? with no purpose except hanging out kan?kan?


kalau dah bertunang?


bertunang bukan berkahwin....bertunang tak menghalalkan apa-apa pun. hanya nikahlah yang menghalalkan segala sesuatu yang selama ini terbatas antara lelaki dan perempuan. nak jumpa, jumpalah kat rumah. depan mak ayah, kan lebih manis. saya tak lah kata kalau nak bercinta, kahwin terus..tak! tak semua orang mampu nak kahwin terus. tapi pandai-pandailah, dah besar kot. kawal diri, kawal nafsu. Allah dah janji, sesiapa hambaNya yang sabar akan mendapat ganjaranNya. Jadi, sabbbaaarrrrrrr......


maknanya, tak boleh bercintalah?


eh, sapa kata tak boleh? cinta tu kan fitrah, hadiah Allah untuk setiap manusia. bercintalah, tapi jagalah batas-batasnya. 
1)Menundukkan pandangan
2)Menutup aurat
3) Adanya pembatasan antara lelaki dan perempuan; hijab, jarak
4) Tidak berdua-duaan
5) Tidak melunakkan ucapan dan suara
6) Tidak menyentuh fizikal


ish, macam susah je!


tak susah la..kita kan ada iman, ada ibadah, itulah pagar untuk kita mengawal dan memelihara nafsu kita. jagalah pagar itu baik-baik sekarang, sebab nanti, bila masanya dah tiba, akan ada orang yang membawa kunci dan membuka pagar itu, kerana dialah penjaga yang Allah titipkan untuk bersama-sama dengan awak. 




tapi.....kalau tak bercinta macam mana nak kenal orang? macam mana nak jumpa orang yang sesuai? yang jadi jodoh kita?


nak kenal orang tak salah. berkawan pun tak salah. asalkan caranya betul. mengikut syari'at Allah.kalaupun kita kenal orang tu 3,4 tahun, betul-betul ke nanti dia jadi jodoh kita? orang bercinta ni awak, banyak fake and lies je, or diorang tak reveal betul-betul the true colour. macam kakak kawan saya kata la, dah 9 tahun bercinta, bila kawin baru tau banyaknya pasal si dia yang masih tak diketahui. see? jodoh tu Allah dah tentukan. cepat atau lambat je. 


macam mana nak tau dia jodoh kita? or masanya dah sampai?


instinct. gerak hati daripada Allah. kalau hati yang bersih dan selalu diisi dengan iman dan ibadah, insyAllah mudah Allah lorongkan jalan buatnya buat keputusan mahupun pilihan. jangan risau. semuanya di tangan Allah. kita usaha sedaya kita dalam lingkungan syari'atNya, kita doa and kita tawakkal. sementara nak tunggu tu, sabarlah.

der, kau buat aku sentap la pulak! ceramah macam ustazah, pergh!!


kita kan saudara seIslam, mestilah saling mengingatkan :)

Rakyat Malaysia Kaya Budi

Premises:

Malaysia sebuah negara majmuk, rakyatnya berbilang kaum dan agama.

Semua orang setuju.

Rakyat Malaysia berbudi bahasa.

Semua orang setuju.

Rakyat Malaysia terdiri daripada kaum Melayu, Cina, India dan kaum-kaum lain.

Ya, semua setuju.

Kaum yang mempunyai populasi terbesar di Malaysia ialah kaum Melayu.

Ya, fakta.

Conclusion:

Kaum Melayu berbudi bahasa.

Semua setuju?

Sila ketuk meja jika setuju.

Jangan baling kerusi jika tidak setuju.

Ya, nampaknya ada seseorang di hujung sana yang tidak jadi membaling kerusinya. “Cik, boleh clearkan status cik?” Cik di hujung sana angkat muka. Nampak tidak puas hati. 
“Saya tak setuju, tapi tak boleh baling kerusi. Boleh saya pecahkan meja ni?” Oh, jangan cik. “Ini meja kerajaan. Tolong jangan rosakkan harta benda awam.”

Hemm…siapa yang kat sini, yang tengah baca artikel ni yang tak setuju kalau saya kata orang Melayu berbudi bahasa? Saya jamin hampir 99% orang setuju dengan pernyataan saya tadi. Yelah, orang Melayu kan kaya dengan adat dan budaya, yang molek-molek, yang sopan santun, yang kurik kundi, yang merah saga, baik budi, indahlah bahasa. Eh, eh, cik di hujung sana dah angkat tangan.

“Saya tak puas hati. Pagi tadi saya pergi pasar, nak beli sayur.  Dah pilih-pilih sayur, letak dalam bakul saya, pergi la bawak ke kaunter. Nak timbang, nak bayar. Kebetulan ada orang tengah timbang and bayar. So, saya tunggu belakang dia, as in beratur. BERATUR okay! Then, all of a sudden, datang dua orang makcik melayu, sedap-sedap bawak bakul yang penuh, lalu depan saya, and letak bakul diorang kat kaunter. What the…???” 

                                                                         Googleimage

Cik nampak emosi. Kita patut cungkil lagi. “Apa yang berlaku selepas tu, cik?” Cik tarik nafas. Sudah nampak sedikit tenang. “Makcik dua orang tu berbual-bual dengan tokey kedai, sambil si tokey kedai timbang sayur diorang. I assume dua orang tu pelanggan tetap, or saling mengenali tokey kedai tu. Tapi saya tetap tak puas hati! Saya beratur! Makcik dua orang ni sedap-sedap potong lane! Saya tak suka! It is impolite!" Okay, we got the point here.

Cik di hujung sana ni tak setuju dengan pernyataan yang orang Melayu ni berbudi bahasa, sopan santun, berdasarkan situasi yang dialaminya di pasar. Cik tak boleh buat generalization, dengan hanya memerhatikan makcik dua orang tadi, cik nak sabitkan orang Melayu seluruhnya dengan kesalahan tidak berlaku sopan dengan orang lain.

“Okay, take this one more example.” Seorang lelaki di tengah dewan bersuara. “Saya pergi kenduri kahwin, and makanan dihidang secara buffet. As usual, beratur untuk ambil makanan, start with nasi and end with dessert; buah or puding or even bunga telur. Baru saya nak pegang senduk nak cedok lauk ayam masak merah, tiba-tiba seorang lelaki pertengahan usia grab that senduk, cedok ayam seketul dua masuk pinggan dia and go just like that! Can I call that rude?”

                                                                         Googleimage

Let we see……………………………………………………..dua orang makcik potong lane nak bayar sayur di pasar dan seorang lelaki pertengahan usia tiba-tiba menyelit cedok lauk ayam masak merah di kenduri kahwin. Midlife crisis???

“Anak saya suka merungut tak dapat beli makanan di kantin sekolah waktu rehat. Alasannya, semua budak berebut-rebut nak beli makanan, tak beratur. Dia pulak badan kecil ,memang takde can la nak ke depan kaunter jual makanan tu. Tu yang sekarang ni hari-hari saya paksa juga dia bawak bekal dari rumah.” Seorang perempuan berbaju kurung menyampuk.

Kes ketiga memberi isyarat bahawa midlife crisis bukan jawapan permasalahan ini.

“Naik tren pun masalah juga.” Remaja lelaki memakai topi putih tarik perhatian hadirin. “ Punyalah banyak pintu kat tren tu, yang semua nak tuju pintu kat tengah-tengah tu kenapa? Dah tau situ penuh, pegilah kat pintu depan sekali. Ni tak, nak berebut-rebut jugak, tolak-menolak, sampaikan kadang-kadang orang yang nak keluar tren pun terpaksa menjerit-jerit suruh bagi laluan. Maybe some Malaysians should be taught manners!”

                                                                                                 Googleimage

Ok…..kes makin banyak dibentangkan. Alarming number of situations! Bukan satu atau dua atau tiga atau empat contoh situasi yang menunjukkan sikap rakyat Malaysia dan kaum Melayu yang tidak bersopan santun. Bahkan di jalan raya juga, ada sebilangan rakyat Malaysia yang tunjuk samseng. Memotong ikut lorong kecemasan. Takpelah, kita anggap aje lah yang dia dah tak tahan nak terberak, ye tak?
                                                                                                                                              

Maybe it is true that some Malaysians should be taught on how to behave in every single occasion. How not to be rude when waiting for your turn to pay, to take food, to board, and even to pee and to poo. Ni apa kes kat tandas pun kau nak rempuh je masuk sedangkan orang dah beratur dulu sebelum kau? Kalau nak tercirit tu diampunkan jugak. Ini takde cakap apa-apa, buat muka donno (don’t know) masuk tandas yang baru dikosongkan. Buat bengkak hati betul.

Buat rakyat Malaysia yang mengikut peraturan, yang beratur, syabas saya ucapkan. Yang bukan setakat beratur masa nak beli McD or nak ambil duit kat ATM je, tapi juga di tandas, di kenduri kahwin, tahniah dan tahniah!
                                       

Anda telah tidak memalukan diri anda. Tapi bagi rakyat Malaysia yang tak reti-reti nak beratur, ini soalan yang patut anda jawab. Soalan ini ditujukan kepada saya oleh seorang kawan saya, Singaporean. She asked me, “Orang Malaysia ni memang tak beratur ye? Diorang kata kalau beratur tu skema ye?” Tolong jawab ye orang-orang yang tak reti beratur. Saya nak proceedkan jawapan anda pada kawan saya tu.

Renung-renungkanlah, kalau ikut logik akal pun, berebut-rebut ni, tak ikut barisan ni gaya siapa? Gaya apa? Yang berebut-rebut makanan tu namanya kita panggil apa? Sedangkan mangsa tsunami yang kat Jepun tu, yang dalam kedaan terdesak kelaparan pun beratur nak terima bantuan makanan, kita yang di Malaysia, yang melimpah ruah lauk masa kenduri sampai berbuang tak habis tu, tak malu ke nak berebut-rebut? Samalah kalau rumah terbuka pun, takut benor makanan habis! Tuhan kata, kalau bukan rezeki, dalam mulut pun boleh jatuh, dalam perut pun boleh keluar tau.

Buat orang-orang Melayu terutamanya, yang beragama Islam, moh le kita beratur. Di tandas, di kenduri, di rumah terbuka, di jalan raya, di pasar, di McD dan KFC, di stesen LRT, di kafe pejabat, di kantin sekolah, di mana-mana yang sepatutnya. Tunjukkan akhlak karimah, akhlak mulia, adat sopan Melayu, yang penuh budi dan bahasa. Tak kiralah anda tua ke, muda, berpendidikan tinggi, lepasan SPM, cantik, kurang lawa, kalau budi bahasa takde, takde maknanya umur, pendidikan, pangkat dan kecantikan tu. Orang tak pandang tu semua kalau dah tak berbudi berbahasa. Orang buat bahan kutuk lagi adalah.

Saya mohon ampun dan maaf kalau ada yang terasa hati, terkelu lidah, rasa nak campak-campak laptop, nak ketuk-ketuk dahi sendiri, nak mengutuk mengata saya bila baca artikel ni...tapi inilah yang saya observe sepanjang hidup saya di bumi bertuah Malaysia ni. Moga kita semua tidak mengamalkan sikap tidak beratur yang amat tidak sopan dan menjengkelkan orang lain yang beratur. Sekian.