This is a paper written as a partial fulfillment to the requirement of Contemporary Religious Moral Issues subject. Any citation is allowed as long as it does not breach the rules and ethics, and please do not plagiarise.
Introduction
In Malaysia, medical
history of most Malaysian family has listed diabetes, high blood pressure, and
heart disease as the most common diseases that attack Malaysian society. Be it
man or woman, at least one of the family members has either one of this
diseases. As these three diseases are called the “three siblings”, there is
another chained diseases; not in Malaysian medical field, but in Malaysian
society. The chained diseases are fornication, teenage pregnancy, abortion and baby
dumping. No statistics can reliably prove the answer for the question of “What
is the number of abortion cases in Malaysia?” or “Who contributed to the large
number of baby dumping?” as only few cases can be traced down and a few more
have been reported to the authority. Some said that the mass amount of foreign
workers in Malaysia might have also contributed to the frequent cases of abortion
and baby dumping, but we cannot take these as our escape from looking into our
own society, our own family.
Nowadays, rehabilitation centre and welfare home for
socially ill young people and abandoned children are like mushrooms sprouting
after a rainy day. Their numbers are increasing day by day, reflecting the
increase in the quantity of ‘patients’ they need to handle. Regrettably, most
of the residents here are Malays. Malay girls and young women has filled the
registry in most rehabilitation centre and welfare home; indicating the rise of
involvement of Malay teenagers and young people in social illness.
Since fornication is the one thing which will lead to the
teenage pregnancy, abortion and baby dumping, this moral illness should be
cured in the first place so that the others will follow. As society starts with
family, and family is built with parents and children, to associate this moral
illness with the role of family is acceptable. Parents are the nearest person
to the children, their parenting style may have shaped the children the way
they are now, therefore, the parenting style’s influence on the involvement of
adolescent in fornication can be questioned.
Lexical Approach: The
Definition
Parenting Style
Parenting style is the
parent’s attitudes towards the child that are communicated to the child, and
that style then create an emotional climate in which parent’s behaviors are
expressed.(Jaffe, 1997) There are four parenting styles that have been widely
accepted; authoritarian, authoritative, permissive-indulgent and neglectful.
These four famous parenting styles have been distinguished by Diana Baumrind;
as she first found the three styles and the fourth one has been extended by
Maccoby and Martin(1983). One of the items in Baumrind’s Model of Parenting
Styles is authoritarian parenting; which will be discussed in this paper.
Authoritarian parenting, in which the word
‘authoritarian’ was derived from the word ‘authority’, reflects that the
parents have control and power over the rights of the child, and they as
parents have also the right to decide on behalf of the child. Baumrind’s study
(1967) on 100 families has given some insight on the characteristics and
effects of parenting style on child.
According to Baumrind (1971, 1991, as cited in Nevid,
2009), authoritarian parenting style is an adult-centered style of parenting.
This is due to the methods and approaches used by the parents towards the child
conveyed that parents expect the child to obey all the rules and regulations
imposed without considering the child’s emotional and psychological being.
Authoritarian parents limit the child’s freedom by rigidly enforced rules and
regulation. Unluckily for the child, those rules are not clearly explained to
them as most parents have the mentality of forcing the child to obey without
questioning; “Do it as I said is so, and because I said so.” If the rules and
regulations are not being followed by the child, then punishment will entail.
Parents with authoritarian parenting style are also
showing low level of warmth and positive involvement towards the child to be
compared to authoritative and permissive parents. These parents equate discipline,
punishment and control as the way to express their love and concern towards the
child. They are not responsive to the child’s desires, opinions, and demands. Child’s
emotions are not being emphasized and concerned by the parents as they are more
concerned in upbringing the child as a good child; the one who is well-behaved,
and attain high achievements in life.
Authoritarian parenting style has also being referred as
military parenting style. Its rigid, controlled way of treating child may
affect the child’s psychological and cognitive development in certain ways.
Child with authoritarian parents may be a good, well-behaved student in school
as the child has been taught and educated to obey to laws, but this good
behavior may not be due to the child’s own manner but due to the child’s fear
of being punished. By this situation, the child is actually learned to do good
to be accepted. The child tends to have the mind-set that he will be accepted
in the group or society if he shows good behavior, and follow the laws, not
because of he himself. It may lead to low self-esteem as the child will not be
100% confident of his own self.
As authoritarian parents neglect the vital role of
emotion in educating child, their child grows up being moody, unhappy, easily
annoyed and being vulnerable to stress. The child learn to not express emotions
especially love, and to suppress anger and dissatisfaction. Slowly, the child
will became a reserved person; not knowing how to show affection and tend to
keep all the emotions to oneself.
Child with authoritarian parenting may also develop the
tendency of being indecisive. As they have been controlled by parents in rights
and decision-making, the child may not know how to decide for himself, and have
a passive attitude to life and his role in it.
Parenting: An Islamic
Perspective
"No child is born but upon Fitrah (nature). It is his parents
who make him a Jew or a Christian or a Polytheist." A hadeeth by Prophet
Muhammad (pbuh), narrated by Imam Muslim shows that Islam put a very great
responsibility on parents’ shoulders to colour the child’s life and to educate
them, to guide them to build a good life.
In the Qur’ān, stated in surah Luqmān: "O my son! Establish
worship, enjoin kindness, and forbid iniquity: and bear with patient constancy
whatever betide you. Lo! That is an affair of great resolution. And turn not
your cheek in scorn toward folk, nor walk in insolence through the earth; for
Allah loved not each braggart boaster. Be modest in your bearing and subdue
your voice. Lo! The harshest of all voices is the voice of the ass.” These
verses reflect the concern of a father towards his child’s well-being; not only
concerning the life in this temporary world, but also in the Hereafter. Parents
are responsible to advise the child; on what is wrong and what is right, to
monitor, to control and to discipline the child.
In an athar of Umar bin al-Khaţţab (ra) he said:
"Play with your children until the age of seven, educate them for another
seven, and befriend them for another seven.” This statement has given a very
good insight on parenting style proposed by Islam. As for young adolescent,
Saidina Umar put the emphasis on educating them; to teach them to differentiate
between good and bad, to clarify on them regarding responsibility, to train
them to follow Allah’s command and to avoid from doing His prohibition. As the
children developed into late adolescent, parents are encouraged to befriend
with them. Parents are encouraged to listen to the children’s problems and
questions, to communicate with them more often as friends, to treat them with
trust, respect and love, and to be a good model for them.
Islam has given guidance on how parenthood is all about.
To be a parent is not as easy as feeding and providing all the child’s need,
but it go beyond as far as to ensure
that the child will grow up as a good man, a good child, a good friend, a good
spouse, a good parent, and the most important is being a good servant of Allah.
Fornication
Fornication is
voluntary sexual intercourse outside marriage between two persons of the
opposite sex, where either one is or both are unmarried. Fornication is a moral
illness; as to refer it in Malaysian context, especially among the Malay
society.
As Malay society in Malaysia is Muslims, fornication is
prohibited and whosoever doing it will be punished by the religion, law and
also society. Unwanted pregnancy and baby dumping are two severe results of
fornication. Regardless of races, increasing baby dumping cases nationwide is
actually the alarm signaling that the widespread social illnesses such as
fornication need to be cured and with any luck prevented from being a trend in
Malaysian society.
Adolescent
Adolescent is a
transitional period in human life span, ranging from the age of 12 to 18. It is
a period linking childhood and adulthood, when male and female undergone rapid,
significant physical and social changes.(Santrock, 2009) Puberty is the symbol
of the beginning of adolescence.
As a linkage between child and adult, adolescent carry
unique yet individual characteristics, from thinking style to social identity.
Have once being an asexual child, adolescence is the time of sexual exploration
and experimentation, of sexual fantasies and realities for a person. Through
this period, adolescent has started to experience sexual feeling, arousal and
attraction to either different-sex or same-sex person. Not all adolescents
experience these things in similar way. They differ in term of timing and
level. Some have it early, some have it later. Some are strongly aroused but
some are not.
Every society shows some concern regarding adolescent
sexuality. In some societies, males and females are separated and are not
allowed to meet or even befriend. In other societies, early marriage is highly
encouraged. As in Malaysia, Malay adolescents are prohibited to have premarital
sex or sex before marriage. Sex is a taboo in Malay society, and it is an
embarrassment and uncomfortable to have, and even talk about sex at adolescent’s
age.
Statistical Approach:
Literature Review
Some literature reviews
has been done in order to grasp the idea of this paper more accurately, and to
understand its concept so that it will help in a more thorough discussion.
As adolescence is a transitional period from childhood to
adulthood, adolescent who is also a child of his parents, is responding to the
way his parents nurture and educate him. Different way of parenting will lead
to different effects in the child’s development. In a study by Fuligni and
Eccles (1993) on relationship between perceived parent-child relationship and
early adolescent’s orientation towards peers, they found out that children who
perceived their parents as adopting authoritarian style such as establishing rules,
punishing disobedience action and unresponsive to children’s question or
problem, are more likely to turn to their friends for advice and sharing
problems. Children who do not perceive the quality of mutual (less parental
domination) relationship and decision making in their relationship with parents
are more likely to be peer oriented as they feel that their opinions and
preferences are more likely to be regarded as valid by their friends. As those
children feel that friendship is the only relationship that afford
opportunities for them to develop own ideas and preferences, they may be more
willing to sacrifice the things they feel will threaten the friendship, such as
parental rules and school achievement.
However, previous study has been slightly refuted by
another study on patterns of competence and adjustment among adolescents from
authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent, and neglectful families; in which the
study showed that children who describe parents as authoritarian have shown
reasonable achievement in school and are less likely than their peers to
involve in deviant activities. However, they have problem managing self-reliance
and own perception towards social and academic abilities. (Lamborn, Mounts,
Steinberg & Dornbusch, 1991) This study has been supported with another
study by Wolfradt, Hempel & Miles (2003) which result showed that perceived
authoritarian parenting has been positively related to high level of
depersonalization and anxiety among adolescent.
Parenting style has also influenced adolescent’s
involvement in social and moral illness. The relationship between parental
control and substance use; which are tobacco, drugs and alcohol, among
adolescent has been investigated in a research and it has been found that
higher parental control is associated with lower substance use among girls, as they
are more ‘family-oriented’ compared to ‘peer-oriented’ boys. (Choquet, Hassler,
Morin, Falissard & Chau, 2007) This finding revealed difference of the
impact of authoritarian parenting on boys and girls. Authoritarian parenting is
seemed to be more effective upon girls in controlling them from involving in
social and moral illness compared to boys.
However, Dewar (2010) highlighted that though children
with authoritarian parents are less likely to involve in troubles like drug and
alcohol use, aggression and other deviant activities, this is based on
self-report by the children themselves. He suggested that this group of
children is actually reluctant to confess their wrongdoings to authority
figures, and this can be linked to one item in authoritarian parenting, that is
punishment. As researchers used other methods in assessing the children’s
behaviour, they found out that authoritative caregiver-and not authoritarian-
were the least likely to report externalizing behaviour problem in their
children (Querido, Warner & Eyberg, 2002 as cited in Dewar, 2010) and
compare with children from authoritative families, kids with authoritarian
mothers become aggressive over time (Underwood, Beron & Rosen, 2009 as
cited in Dewar, 2010).
As the researcher is interested in finding the
relationship between parenting style and fornication, some literature search on
this topic has also been done. The Star (June 26, 2010) reported, in four early
months of 2010, as many as 111 cases of teenage pregnancy has been reported to
the Welfare Department. Malaysian government has even established a special
school for pregnant adolescents in Melaka. Malaysian Insider (Feb 9, 2011)
stated that 517 cases of baby dumping has been registered starting from 2005
until now. These cases is the signal for the alarming number of fornication and
adultery cases, not to forget incest, in Malaysia, as those cases are hard to
be told in numbers.
Discussion
Authoritarian Parenting
in Malay Society
Authoritarian parenting is a common parenting style in
Malay society way back then, especially in rural areas, in which they hold to
the saying ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’. In today’s society, this style
is not practiced as much as in the old days. Most parents are adopting
authoritative style of parenting in which, the children are treated and
communicated in balance between law and love. But, there are parents who still
punish their children when doing wrong, unresponsive to the children, forcing
children to obey without having the right to question parents, and have high
demands on children.
How adolescent accepts
authoritarian parenting?
As adolescent nowadays are exposed to the global
atmosphere and advanced education system, they can and they want to think and
decide for themselves on what is the best and suitable for them. Adolescent who
are extroverts; with high desire for social contact and sensation-seeking
activities will perceive authoritarian parenting as a cage that restricting
them from exploring the outside world. Being home is like being in a military
camp. Introvert adolescents and adolescents with open mind and deep thought
concerning moral and social issues surrounding them, might accept authoritarian
parenting as one of the way preventing them from involving themselves in
problems, however, they might be as well see this style of parenting as rigid,
cold and parent-centered.
How do these
adolescents respond?
Extrovert adolescents might respond negatively towards
authoritarian parenting. They might rebel and show unexpected behaviour in
response to the strict rules imposed by the parents. Though the actions of
rebel are not shown in parent’s presence, they might express it when they are
in school, or when they are among friends. As their desires are not fulfilled
by parents, they might fulfill it outside home. They might involve in the
activities that are restricted by parents whenever they got the chance to do
it. Introvert adolescents, in other way round, might have anxiety and
depression in response to the strict, cold parenting style as they are more
likely to keep silent, not express feelings and not sociably active. They may
also experience stress and low self-esteem due to the pressure by the parents.
Fornication and
adolescent
As adolescent is a period in which human being are
starting to be sexually active, fornication is one of the problems adolescents
might get involved in. In Malay Malaysian context, though fornication is
forbidden, but numbers of adolescents are involving themselves in this moral
illness. It cannot be shown in numbers, but the reality has proved it. Mass
numbers [in Malay Malaysian context] of teenage pregnancy cases either reported
or not, has turned up. News of illegal abortion and baby dumping scattered in
the newspapers. Flipping through magazines, many girls are seeking advice for
the problems of regretting after committing fornication and having unwanted
pregnancy. These are the silent proves of the corruption that is happening in
the Malay society in Malaysia.
Why do adolescents commit
fornication?
Among
the reasons are unrestrained sexual desire, negative peer influence, negative
media influence and curiosity in experimenting new thing. All these reasons can
be interrelated.
Befriend and mingled with peer who bring negative influence
can distort adolescents from being in the straight track. The peers who bring
negative influence may have been negatively affected by media, such as sexual
scene in movies and dramas, pornography and also advertisements promoting
sexual enhancement or sexual health products.
Both peers and media can elicit sexual desires and if not being handled
wisely, will become unrestrained, hence encourage adolescents to experiment
sexual intercourse.
Can authoritarian
parenting be a factor?
As it was reported
that children who perceived their parents as authoritarian are more likely to
turn to friends for advice, sharing problems and expressing ideas,
authoritarian parenting can lead adolescents to be influenced by negative
friends, thus involved in fornication. Strict, punitive parenting may cause
adolescents to rebel as they are restricted from doing things they desire, such
as outing with friends; thus encouraged them to grab any chance or
opportunities to satisfy themselves.
But adolescents with
authoritarian parents are obedient and are less likely to involve in deviant
activities. They will not involve in fornication.
Yes, they are obedient but these adolescents are also
normal human being and, as adolescent, their desire to explore new things is
really high. In addition, their sexual interest and arousal is also starting to
develop during this time. Though they know that their parents have imposed
strict rules and they will be punished if they disobey, the desire and
influence by peers might dominate. The
negative influence from media such as pornography may also elicit the arousal
to involve in fornication.
As they were said to be
having low self reliance, anxiety and lack social abilities, it is slightly
ridiculous to say that such kind of person is committing fornication.
This went back to
the issue of peers. Adolescents are in the stage of building self perception
and finding own self identity, and coping with these kinds of things, for them,
are much easier with friends beside them. Those with authoritarian parents,
though said to have lack social abilities, but among friends they can be as
normal as others. As friends are the persons who are perceived as appreciating
them and showing love, trust and respect towards them, they might also involved
in fornication due to peer pressure and the fear of rejection by friends.
Is there any other
effect of authoritarian parenting which can be said to lead adolescents to
fornication?
Authoritarian parents who strictly restrict their
children, especially adolescent, from watching entertainment programs in media
including films and dramas (as they said that those programs are not good for
viewing) are actually eliciting the adolescent’s urgency to find out more on
their own; without parents’ knowledge.
 |
| from "aku masih dara" film |
Adolescents should be given appropriate
and knowledgeable exposure on things concerning sexuality as a preparation for
them to enter the real world out there where black and white are not easily
distinguished, and to prevent them from being the victim of moral illness such as
fornication, just because of ignorance.
With all the factors contributing to adolescent’s
involvement in fornication, and authoritarian parenting as one of them,
adolescents are not the only responsible one to be blame for this moral
illness. Besides internal desire, the external factors have strong affect in
stimulating adolescents’ response to their desire.
Can adolescents prevent themselves from this moral illness?
Yes.
How?
Adolescents can be helped with the help from parents.
Parents should not adopt strict, military parenting style. The best parenting
style is the parenting style proposed by Islam which balances between love and
law, education and enforcement. With instilled religious knowledge and values,
adolescents who received trust, respect, love and warmth from parents are more
likely to have self reliance and self esteem and are more likely to be able to
protect themselves from wrongdoings.
Conclusion
Fornication is one of
the severe moral illnesses today, and regrettably Malay adolescents are also
committing it. Though unrestrained sexual desire, negative peer influence,
negative media influence and curiosity in experimenting new thing are the major
factors contributing to the involvement of Malay adolescent in fornication, but
authoritarian parenting is also contributing as it is the initiator of
adolescents turning to negative friends and negative media. Therefore, parents
should be educated on how parenting style can affect the children’s wellbeing
and how they, as parents, are responsible of whom the children will be in
future. Religion is another vital component in educating and parenting. Without
proper knowledge on religious affairs, all the methods and practices are like
radio without sound; useless as religion is the heart of our life.
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